not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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