Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
