dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
