guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
