you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
