you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
