just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
