i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
