Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
