I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
