if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
