Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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