she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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