you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
