This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
