the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
