I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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