if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
