did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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