Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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