What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
