Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
