either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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