Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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