You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
