when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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