So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
