You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
