If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
