At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
