i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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