Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i think my mom watched the whole time
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
