My room smells like vodka and shame
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
