Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
