She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
