I'm going to jail i love you
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
