so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
