So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
