yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
