New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
