I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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