I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
