college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
