They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
