he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we made out on top of his cat.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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