I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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