I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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