pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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