Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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