They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
