the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
