I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
