Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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