My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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