that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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