I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
