I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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