Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
