Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
