The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I touched a dick in church today
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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