He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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