I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
