I'm really into asian looking animals
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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