Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize